07 Dec Common myths around self-worth & how you can build your resilience

Studies have shown that basing our self-worth on external factors is actually harmful to our mental health and wellbeing. One study at the University of Michigan found that students who base their self-worth on external sources (such as academic performance, appearance, and approval from peers) reported more stress, anger, academic problems, and relationship conflicts. They also had higher levels of alcohol and drug abuse, as well as more symptoms of eating disorders.

The same study found that students who based their self-worth on internal sources not only felt better, but also received higher grades and were less likely to use drugs and alcohol or to develop eating disorders.

We all seek external validation to one degree or another, always looking for approval or permission, a compliment here or there, or others opinions. While it’s perfectly normal to seek others views, it becomes a problem when your sense of wellbeing and worth depends on what that other person says.

4 steps to start relying on your own internal validation

  • Become self sufficient


Most of us are guilty of looking for our self worth from the outside world, be it a job, career, money, possessions, appearance… however when we are in that mindset, it will never be enough. You will never reach the end point.

The way I have experienced freedom from this is to stop looking for that external validation and instead just trusted in the power of life, whether you want to call that the Universe, God, magic, whatever… I have learnt how to quiet my mind and connect to my higher self and no longer seek opinions of others.

My mood and mental health is not dependant on whether someone approves of my choice of career or what I’m wearing that day. As long as I’m following my path and happy in the process, my family and friends and business are going to get the best out of me.

  • Find your uniqueness


When we are truly anchored and at peace with who we are, then we are almost unstoppable. And this is the epitome of self sufficiency. People may not get what we do or who we are, but when we come from a place of comfort in our own skin and authenticity, then we are open to live our fullest potential.

  • Don’t get caught up in the drama


For example, what I mean by this is, when you argue with someone, and you believe they are in the wrong and you deserve an apology… always remember they are doing the best they can with the tools they have at the time. It is difficult to not get caught up in the emotions, but some people are just incapable of saying sorry, but that is more of a reflection of their own self-worth rather than you.

When we are dependent on others to make us happy or behave a certain way, we will always be disappointed on some level.

So, the next time the kids are screaming at each other, take a breath and check in with yourself before you react… is your next step from a place of love? Don’t get caught up in the drama.

  • There is a higher purpose


When we are operating from a place where we’re being true to ourselves, we feel less inclined to seek approval of others. What if you began viewing every challenge as an opportunity to grow? What if this experience is merely a stepping stone for you to learn so you can go to the next level and start fulfilling your purpose?

I have achieved more personally and professionally since I stopped seeking external approval from others. I can just get on with what I’m doing without waiting around for validation or compliments. It’s just not something I need anymore. Yes it’s good to get feedback from those you respect but just make sure your own self-worth doesn’t rely on it too heavily.

When we turn our attention inward and begin to appreciate the amazing women we are, release expectations and stay detached from outcomes and other peoples opinions, life takes a whole new direction and takes on a whole new meaning!

If this is something that holds you back, I’d love to hear from you.

Nicola x

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