08 Jun Is Your Lack of Confidence Holding You Back?

Last year, and during other periods through my life, confidence has been a real struggle. And when I say confidence, which means different things to different people, the type of confidence I’m talking about today is that inner self belief, those feelings of self-worth.

I came across a great quote the other day – you know how I love my quotes!! “Confidence is not ‘they will like me’. Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’‘”

  • So how many of you compare yourself to others?
  • How many of you spend time worrying about what other people think about you?
  • Or replaying conversations over and over in your head and worrying about how you came across?
  • Or maybe your thoughts just run away with themselves and before you know it the world has ended….
  • And how many of you are your own worst enemy, you’d never consider saying to anyone else half the things you say to yourself?

That was me! Not so long ago… I used to worry about everything. I used to be full of self-doubt. I was never enough…

So, if you are currently in one, or all of those mindsets how do you get yourself out of it?

You do a shedload of inner work and repeat as necessary!! 🙂

However, you guys are in luck as I’ve been there and done the inner work and can happily share some tips with you on how to get out of the rut… this doesn’t replace you having to do the hard work, but it will help you get started…

Stop comparing yourself to others…  the same people you’re comparing yourself to, are all comparing themselves to others too! The worst offenders are mostly the ones who we view as having it all sorted. Please remember we are a work in progress and we all have a different path to walk. And more often than not, people are so wrapped up in themselves and their own lives, they don’t really give others a second thought!

‘Until you stop breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you’ – Jon Kabat-Zinn. Get into the habit of focussing on the things you like about yourself. Incorporate this into your daily gratitude practise. Write a list of things you like about yourself. It’ll be difficult at first, but will become easier with time as your brain creates new neural pathways and a new way of thinking.

You can only love yourself, by loving yourself first and foremost, not hating yourself. Focussing on the parts of you that you don’t like will not take you to a place of self-love and self-worth. Whenever we look for something in life we will find it. Whether its the stretch marks on our bums or the wobbly tummy… but how about looking for the big bright shining eyes, or the glossy hair, or the amazing legs! Focus on what you DO like and I guarantee you’ll find more of it.

You need love the most when you feel you deserve it the least. Repeat. If that is not the epitome of self-care and self-love then I don’t know what is. Why do we find it so hard to be kind to ourselves? But remember, we cannot pour from an empty cup, especially the mums out there, so make self care a priority. Get used to managing your energy as opposed to your time. I have a free energy planner which I’m happy to share with anyone who’d like one. Just pop your name in the comments below and I’ll send it to you.

Embrace the present moment and find peace and contentedness with NOW. This moment is all we really have and if we’re not in a good place here, now, then how can we possibly be in the future? Practises such as mindfulness and regular meditation are not to be sniffed at. They have been the biggest game changer in my life.  You have to fully accept and make peace with where you are now, today, before you can feel content with your future.

Don’t believe everything you think – we do not have to believe every thought that passes through our mind. You’ll hear me say this a lot, but thoughts are just thoughts until we give them meaning. And what I mean by this is that one thought holds no more weight than another thought, until we pay attention to it and let it run away with itself. You have a choice – if you think to yourself that so and so said X and that must mean Y – says who?! That’s a story you’ve just made up by giving that particular thought some meaning! Become an observer of your thoughts… it makes life a lot more peaceful.

Focus on progress rather than perfection, and how far you’ve come rather than how far you have left to go. The runners reading this will get this concept!! As a reformed perfectionist, this has been a tough realisation.  We all know and have experienced that strive for perfection and the feelings of unworthiness that go with it. When it comes to moving forward in life, the time may never be just right and sometimes done is better than perfect.

I just want to finish on this thought… YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. Now go to a mirror and take a good long, hard look at yourself and repeat at least ten times! Write that statement down on a sticky note and post it in at least 5 different places in your house. Repeat as often as necessary and this will create the new neural pathways which with practise will change your thoughts, and after a while your beliefs about yourself.

Doing the inner work on yourself isn’t easy and it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes practise and patience.

If you’d like to reach out to talk about confidence issues further, then please email me at hello@nicola-mcleod.com

With love,
Nicola x

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